How do people talk about themselves? I mean, how are so many people able and willing to come out and say positive things about themselves in a normal, one-on-one conversation? How are people able to say positive things about themselves in any conversation? As I spend more and more time as a working adult, the more I realize that I have some pretty major things wrong with me. Every day I listen as fellow teachers and fellow students "drop" small congratulatory pieces of information about themselves into daily conversation, and wonder why I experience a full-body cringe every time they do. When I had to make a speech last week, about my "journey" (It's so ridiculous to me, I can't even call it my journey without putting it in quotes), I think that I was supposed to talk about the amazing things that I have done in my life, and how the world will be forever changed by my decision to become a teacher. I didn't. I think I even ended up putting myself down at least three times in that speech. Not because I hate myself, or expect other people to tell me how wonderful I am, just because I have never been able to talk about my accomplishments or my achievements without feeling as though I need to follow it up with an excuse for why I was able to accomplish something, or a self-deprecating remark explaining why my achievement really wasn't anything special. It's my thing, I think (I write "I think" here because to claim something as your "thing" is a pretty bold statement, and I don't like to make bold statements).
But maybe I need to change. So often I feel as though I am seen as a victim; by my fellow teachers, by my fellow students, maybe even by my students. And why wouldn't I be seen as a victim? I can't say anything nice about myself without completely discrediting it in the next breath. I never talk about the cool things about me, or the impressive things that I have done, so my colleagues have every right to think I'm pathetic. Or maybe I know that I'm just so cool, and so interesting that no one else's opinion of me matters. This may be true (not entirely), but I know that I can only get so far with this attitude. To survive in America, you need a certain amount of outward confidence that I seem to lack.
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1 comment:
I'm trying to think of a way of phrasing this comment so it doesn't just sound like, "Hey, me too!"
I have the exact same problem, but while I'm certainly lacking a healthy level of confidence, I think the way I was raised is more to blame, and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. I know people who exude confidence in everything they do, but I never hear them talk themselves up. Bragging seems like more a sign of either insecurity or arrogance, and those who are truly confident never feel the need to do it.
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