Road Closed

So, just to clarify, I was notified last Tuesday that my district was planning on undergoing a gigantic (at least for my tiny district) R.I.F. (reduction in force) next year that I (being that I am on an intern rather than regular teaching certificate) would be a part of. It's weird when day after day you listen to/read horror stories about people losing their jobs, subsequently having to turn over their homes, then shooting themselves in the head or killing their whole family because of it, while still feeling completely removed from the situation because it has not yet affected you. Well, now it has affected me, and I don't really know how I feel about it. I am confident that I will get my job back, or find another job somewhere else, but that's only because I have an organization supporting me. I almost feel guilty because I am in a better position than some of the other 40 or so teachers whose contracts weren't renewed.

Yesterday there was a school board meeting, where the R.I.F. was to be discussed and voted on (as in, voted on whether or not it was the appropriate action to take given the budget situation). The superintendent opened the meeting, and from the get-go he was noticeably defensive and irritated. Hopefully this was due to the difficult time he was having in overseeing such a meeting, a meeting that would ultimately have huge consequences for the teachers involved. Some teachers and parents spoke. I should have spoken, but I didn't because I can't do things like that. The overall atmosphere of the meeting was horrible. The speakers were rushed, the board seemed really angry, and when it was time to vote, the R.I.F. was passed with little hesitation. As soon as the vote had been cast, the board members hurried off into a secret back room.

Today I received a letter informing me of the decision. Now I just have to wait, maybe even until the beginning of next school year, to know if I have a job at my school. I can apply for other things, but I don't even know where to start. If it wasn't for my half-completed masters degree, I would probably walk away from the profession right now because this whole situation has just left me feeling sick.