The worst thing about my Dad's accident, other than everything, is the ups and downs that I, and more importantly, my Mom go through every day. For example, today we were really happy that he finally had the breathing tube removed, but then my Mom was upset because he didn't smile at her all day, and I was upset because she was upset, and because I saw his unwrapped right leg wound for the first time, and it was absolutely horrifying. His right foot must have been dangling off of his leg when he was brought into the ER. Now I know why everyone that I spoke to at the hospital the night of the accident kept saying, "He has a really bad leg injury". I think that they were preparing me for the possibility that it would be amputated. There's another "up", it wasn't amputated.
I feel completely selfish even saying this given the utterly tragic situation that my Dad is in, but I have been feeling like shit since the accident. I have constant knots in my stomach, I rarely feel like eating, and I have lost the ability to think about anything other than the accident. I feel like crying all the time, but I always seem to be around people that I think it would be inappropriate to cry around (my Dad, my Mom, my Brother, my students, my colleagues).
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2 comments:
you're not selfish, just a human. that would be draining for anyone to live through! i am glad to hear that the bruises on his brain are not really an issue and that everything (although it will take a while) is fixable. sorry you all have to go through this. i'm still rooting.
-julia
This is the 8 year anniversary of my husband's traumatic brain injury. I used to always have to remind myself "Two steps forward, one step back"---that is still going forward. Catastrophic injuries are often like this. My prayers are with you and your family.
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